The Almost 30 project - Week 2

As I'm finishing off week 2 of my "Almost 30" project, I'm sharing a summary of my daily challenges here on the blog...

• Day 7 - "Take an acting class in Dubai": Far from being my first acting class, it was my first in a very long time. But it brought me back to a world in which I always felt happy in --a world where I can pretend to be anyone but myself. When I was younger, all I wanted was to be an actress. I filled my head with dreams and fantasies of one day conquering Hollywood and winning an Oscar. I hadn't acted in more than 3 years before that class, and being in an environment where I could just play felt fantastic.

• Day 8 - "Write the 10 biggest achievements of you twenties": I wrote those in details in a previous post... But I will say one thing about this challenge... putting these achievements down on paper really surprised me.  It's easy to forget how many things you should be proud of, and reminding myself was a huge boost. Now I'm looking forward to see what I'll do in my thirties...

• Day 9 - "Wear blue mascara": a challenge of beauty and make-up for someone who doesn't often wear any... It was fun to get out of my comfort box of black eye-liner and bronzer and try something a little more daring. Maybe it'll make me spice things up in the makeup department...

• Day 10 - "Do something that makes you feel like a child": Colors, brushes, paints... being surrounded by 6 and 7 year olds. Spending hours coloring on a ceramic mug on a saturday afternoon... just the type of thing I loved to do, back in the day when weekends were all about gathering around something creative. My mom always had an idea to keep us occupied: making chandeliers out of coca cola bottles, playing with salt dough clay, creating dolls out of buttons... it feels good to know we can still play like children as we grow into adulthood.

• Day 11 - "Wear high-heels at the office": This may seem like a curious one... considering that most people don't wear anything but heels at the office... but I had never done it in my entire professional life. I don't even wear heels when I go out at night, only very rarely. I have to admit though, there is something about spending a day in high-heels: It made me feel like I was in an episode of The Good Wife -like a sexy powerful professional woman... Not a bad thing to feel... And I think I may where more heels in my thirties!

• Day 12 - "Witness a moment of pure happiness": when I got this "to-do", I had no idea how or when I could get it done... it's not like you can predict a moment like that. And then my best friend got engaged... On Monday night, we went to celebrate, and I have never seen her that happy in fifteen years of friendship. It's a blessing to see someone you love so happy. And in that moment, I let go of all the fears and insecurities of my own life, and felt happy too. Not just "happy for her," but happy because she was happy. It's feels nice to tell the difference. 

• Day 13 - "Go to an audition": I've been acting since I was 12 years old and I've done dozens of plays, a few short films and even a TV series but I had never gone to a real audition before. I was a little nervous but I decided to give it my all --my big chance to see if I can really nail an audition or not. I learnt the text by heart in the 3 minutes I got to prepare, and went in to impress... let's see what happens! Maybe the career I dreamt of as a child will finally come to me in my thirties!

Today, as I write this, I still have no idea which "to-do" I'm going to do... it's getting harder and harder as the list gets shorter! And there are some scary things coming up on that list, including skinny dipping (I might get kicked out of Dubai for that one), apply for your dream job (which I still haven't figured out) and go for a 5k run (very, very optimistic...). Tune in next week for the next episode of "Almost 30"!

almost home

These last few weeks have really been a testament to how I've been living my life for the past year, the past few years, the whole of my twenties actually.

I stayed in 6 different apartments in the past month (including 3 in the past week), slept in 6 different beds including one in a baby's room, and carried my suitcase in and out of the office so many times my coworkers are very confused. They keep thinking I'm going on a trip, I keep explaining I'm only going from one guest-room to the other. At least it's an upgrade from the couch.

And when I think about it, this is exactly how I've lived my life throughout my twenties. In eight years, I lived in 11 apartments in 3 countries, had 5 different jobs, 2 "serious" relationships (and 2 shitty breakups). So basically the only thing that defines me for sure is that I am all over the place. Literally. And for the longest time, that's just the way I liked it. I like the idea of being that free. Of never knowing where I might end up.

But lately, I've been craving a home.

And by home, I don't mean my father's house, where I shared a bedroom with my little sister no longer than 3 months ago. There comes a point in your life where you feel the need to have your own space. My own home, one that I pay with my hard-working earned money, with furniture that I own and most importantly: a bed that's mine. Adulthood, I guess you call it.

I'm almost there. The past ten days were hell; it was all paperwork, loans, checks, contracts, agents, electricity and water, credit cards, appliances. All words I was pretty unfamiliar with until now. I went to see an apartment and I forgot to check if it had a built-in wardrobe or a bathroom cabinet or even AC for that matter. I just liked it because it was bigger than everything else I saw.

I had a brief moment of anger when the agent told me "you're married, yes?" like he just looking for confirmation and when I said I wasn't, he said he needed to take it up with the landlord because he doesn't usually "accept" unmarried women. A brief moment of anger.

Then I had many, many moments of anxiety, signing on all these forms and all these checks. Still anxious right now just thinking about it. And I felt completely overwhelmed at Ikea for four hours, and all I did was buy a bed-frame and a mattress. But then I had a moment of pride pushing that huge cart around all by myself. All by myself! Not in a tragic, "all by myself" Bridget Jones moment on the couch with a brush (although I foresee myself having that moment quite often in the next year...). More like I'm doing it all by myself like a big girl and despite the anger, anxieties and overwhelming everything, mostly I'm left with pride and excitement. Because I'm almost there. Just a few more days, and I'll be home.

about time

There's something about Dubai that's constantly making me think about time.

Maybe it's the fact that the seasons are shuffled and that I can run into the sea on a random February day. Well maybe not run, more like slowly step into and gasp every time the water gets higher.

Or it's that days of the week blend-in and get blurry. That Sundays no longer mean lazy day on the blue couch watching a marathon of bad TV and eating hangover food. Here, Sunday means Monday, early mornings and at your desk by 9.

Could also be that the correlation between distance and time makes no sense to me here: like it takes 3 minutes for me to go from work to my hotel by car, but it takes 30 minutes for me to walk it. 

And then there's punching in and out of work on time (welcome to the corporate world, me!) and staying at the office until midnight (I know it's not that weird, most people have done it, but it's a little weird for me...) Apparently, that's what having a grown-up job feels like.

The fact is, for so long I was used to my time being mine. I was especially good at wasting it, atrociously, and procrastination is a particular skill of mine. But here, you just can't waste time, even if you try. It goes by so quickly, it feels like it's running on a different clock then the rest of the world. The day flies by, the week is over in a blink. Suddenly, I've been here a month already.

In a way, it feels energizing. So much to do and so much getting done. But it's also a little scary, time going by so fast. There are so many things I thought I'd accomplish before turning 30 (did I mention I'm turning 30? I expect it to come up a lot). So before I actually do turn 30, maybe I should try to accomplish some (most? all?) of these things. I'll do what I usually do, I'll make a list. And then I'll have exactly 4 months to tick all the boxes.

Maybe like that, I can use time to my advantage. The fact that I feel it so strongly here, it could be just what I need: like having a fire lit under my ass --to use a French expression that I can't find the proper equivalent for.

I have to go now, time is ticking.

But I'll keep you posted on that list.